Trauma, Depression and Memory

 

Trauma, depression, and pain are words that we hear all the time. I have experienced all three plus illness and at 66 years of age. And I cannot admit I done it tough.

When I was about nine, I was bitten on the face by a dog on the school playground. My memory of the event is not very clear and it’s something I’ve rarely talked about. I was scarred for life!

My recollection is there were two dogs and I patted one of them and the other one bit me. I remember screaming and running behind the kindergarten block on my way to the staff room. My hand was on my face which was covered in blood and I was crying. Other kids were in a bit of shock and my sister was about.

The man from the garage next to the school came to my rescue to take me up to Doctor Carruthers who stitched and treated me. I believe my mother was at the club playing Housie at the time. A few days later Doctor Cohen took the stitches out and he may have tried a bit of humour on me.

From what I recall, I had no counselling and I could not look at myself in the mirror. Nobody teased me and I regarded my school mates as special. My parents were supportive and everybody moved on.

I’m not sure what happened to the dog that bit me. My mother said it was a Corgi, but I always believed they blamed the wrong dog. My perception was, “the spotted dog bit me!”

I also remember not wanting to have the dog destroyed!

Somebody once told me it gave them nightmares. I always denied it but I’d wake up during the night terrified because something was under my bed! I never associated it with the dog bite, and most of my life I usually don’t remember dreams. I was in my forties when I once woke up frightened after I was struck by lightning in a dream. I never thought of it as a nightmare!

I have never been a good sleeper and was affected by westerly winds as a kid. I was prescribed Ventolin in my late teens when I was working at a cotton mill. The accident I had in 1989 knocked me around quite a bit and affected my sleep in various ways. Experiencing bad weather when I worked in the Maritime Industry is another story all together. I was to spend 19 years there and remember wild weather at Cape Leeuwin, Bass Strait and a typhoon in the Sea of Japan. I had sailed through the roaring forties, and furious fifties south of Tasmania. There were many other disturbances to wreck a good night sleep.

In my late teens I worked permanent dog watch at a cotton mill for over two years. It wrecked my sleep at the time. About 20 years later I was doing a sleep study at Newcastle Hospital, and every other patient had done shift work. I never slept that whole night which was a stressful experience. I then had to drive back to Smiths Lake and I was very tired!

When I was grown up a cheeky young relative called me “Scar-face.” His Mother wasn’t happy, but I had a bit of a laugh about it. He never said it with malice!

A cook at sea once told me, “I should do something about that scar on my face.” He was being serious and was quite a loud vociferous dimwit at times. Some of the crew called him “McEnroe.”

Another time a woman in Dubbo asked me, “Was I born with that scar on my face?” She didn’t seem very bright, and I had a bit of a laugh to myself.

My memories are not clear about events that happened through my life. I know I was bitten by a dog, broke my arm, cut my foot, was caned at school, spent 10 days on life support, had surgery a few times and experienced other events that affected me in certain ways. It’s not an easy discussion!

Both of my parents experienced trauma and hardship. They are no longer around to ask them anything. My own trauma is very different, and I do not like pain!

The John F Kennedy assassination was probably the first thing I remembered. I was only three years old at the time, and we never had a television. Before going to school, I remember being excited, waiting for the baker Wally Strickland to deliver my brown bread. I also remember the first time I went to the Swansea baths and recall watching “My Three Sons,” which may have been the first show I watched on television. But I do not remember my first day at school or my first game of football!